Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
