Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
