apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
