i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
