And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
