i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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