i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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