How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
