M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
