We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
