whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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