I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
