Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
This is classic penis vs brain.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
β"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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