In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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