I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
