Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
