And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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