Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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