So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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