Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
