She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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