How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
