That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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