My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
