I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
