apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Hippo gnu deer
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize