I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
