it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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