Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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