Me too!
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
