Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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