i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
