I must be too annoying 4 u.
People in love make me want to vomit
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
