what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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