Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
