I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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