I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
