I CAN MOONWALK!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Randomize
