A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
