I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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