You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
