I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
