a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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