Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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