Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
