good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
