dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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