I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
