Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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