I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
