There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
