I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
