I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
