Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
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I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
that may or may not have been my penis.
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