I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
