That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the day after is always just damage control
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
