This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He kissed a someone with a penis
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
