my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Oh god it's open bar.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
