I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
