I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize