my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
