the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
